Heey ladies! I've been dating myself lately and weve been having a lot of fun together. I took me to Disneyland, I ate dinner with me, we people watched. I've never been turned on or amused by anyone as much as myself. An important issue that I think is often over looked in modern times is the normalcy of twin incest. I want a twin so bad.

Heres the Len video, really wraps up how I feel right now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwtTOxouD5Q

How can you tell I'm a freak Sister Patterson?

Cuz you get dirty. Dwhhhhoa like the beach? Do you like diapers on the beach? I like them a lot now! still hate sand and tan. u wanna go for a dip babe? U freaky! U get dirty!

ynawt

shit just got messed up im STOOPID and you know i cant do anything just deleted my neat blog that i cared about on accident. i gotta go cry and fall asleep humping my stained pillow again. its tuesday aint it? its not but who cares. its the same routine sweetie. still embarrassed. cant spell, cant sleep. cant stop eating. just 90210,
seans got star trek next generation but I DONT. 9 days till my birthday.

when you spill something on the carpet and dont have towels you just use your dirty coastline shirt girl. im almost ready to learn how to read.

Star date 8-27-08

All I do is watch Star Trek: Next Generation and wait to watch Star Trek: Next Generation again. I've got nothing else going for me but eating indian food and watching movies when I can afford it. I'm pretty bored. I think I gotta go freak myself at the dance club so I'll have something to blog about. Picard is a FREAK on the flute tho! So pro and what a hunk!

bloggin aint easy

I need to make a million dollars as soon as possible because I gotta eat out and buy a projector. Spaced the TV show is pretty good. It's romantic and supernatural.

I now have a private cave to hide in all day but I still need a pet panda bear to put in it. I keep checking craigs list for a panda bear trade but nobodys come up, just hookers. Im looking for a bear with a great personality, a bear strong to hold me, a bear that will protect me and let me use him as a chair when theres nowhere to sit, I'd also like this bear to know sign language and drive me to work. Let me know if you see anything in the paper or on the sites or anything, I havent been able to watch much TV and I may be missing an ad for a new panda store, it's so sad.

Hot summer tips!

I'm trying to drink a little less beer because it's for fat people. But I get tired of cape cods everyday even though my lesbian friend Sean never does. I had to switch it up with vodka tonic because it's a drink for a slim crowd. The only problem is that I never have ice but I do have otter pops! Otter pops look great in a clear ass drink because it turns it your drink the color of whatever pop you choose. Plus, if you're a preschool teacher or mother this beverage is perfect for young children; you could melt a red pop with a yellow pop and make an orange vodka drink and so on! Another tip is to never ever, ever, ever go to a thing called a pub crawl, SERIOUSLY! No matter how great your coworker at MAC says it is, you and your friend will both want to kill yourself for even being seen there.

Bad news guys: Eating dead animal flesh is out. It's tacky and old fashioned. I don't know about you but I'm from the future, and as a sexy mutant from the year 2420 the last thing I want is to be an outdated time traveler. Today my kitty Calvester cut his paw on a razor in the bathroom and there was bloody cat prints all over the tub. People like to eat little, helpless, baby animals "rare" so they can taste their animal blood. I know it's freaky, but I didnt feel that hungry when I was washing away the red drippings that allow my pet to be alive. Guess I'm just a hippy!

It's only two months from my birthday so I'm gonna start giving you gift ideas right away so you can start to save up:

-stuff for girls
-$$$

if i could fly...

What if you could fly but it was really hard like in the way it's really hard to run? My fren would probably be like, "do you wanna fly over to the liquor store and pick up some 40's?" and I'd be like, "naw homie, I'm pretty tired let's drive over there." When you fly it works your mid-section, arms and thighs.

a poem 2 sax lover:

your saxaphone blows so fine
don't get dat kimchi stuck in da horn
grey hair loves soft jazz music

I hate when I remember high school.

It's my mom Vicki's birthday guys, Yay!! Happy Birthday Sexy! I think my mom is sexy and I'm NOT EMBARRASSED. See how I spelled that right? Fuxx yeah. Speaking of fuxx yeah there was this cunt in high school named Gaby. She was my good friend freshman year even though she was a stupid, tacky, gothic hippy horny for Robert Smith. She was pretty gross but she drove me around, made me tatter tots, let me wear all her lacy and velvet clothes plus she helped me cement my vegetarian tendencies. I was young and I needed to get away from my step mother. Gaby wanted to be more of a gothic hippy so she started spelling her name Gabix, isnt that retarded? I hate her. She stopped being my friend because we both had black hair and nose rings (embarrassing!) and when I also wore overalls (more embarrassing) and she had overalls too, it was too much for her! She said I was stalking her and trying to be her and she cruely friend dumped me. She wrote me a long letter telling me how overalls are her identity and I robbed her. I was soooo sad. :o( To make matters worse, while we were friends she tryed to convince me I was in love with her. She told me, "Jacquie, do you think were more like girlfriends or friends? Because it's just like were in a relationship but we don't do the nasty." I said, "uhm, girlfriends?" she was very pleased and I was happy to please her. Believe it or not I used to be a passive push over and everyone but my bff's took advantage of my willingness to do whatever I thought would make them like me. It's like, if you won't screw me, why are you brain washing me to think were together even though you have a man and you dont care about me you stupid, stupid bitch? We never frenched or anything!!! Urgh... After the friend dumping, she told her boyfriend (sweet Marcus, so strange and intresting and sooo pretty plus he got me drunk all the time and threw me a wonderful suprise party for my sexteenth birthday,) that he should now also hate me because I was trying to steal his girl (I was not!), and it worked! He thought I was a slut and never talked to me again in high school! Later...thats another story. So, I HATE HER!! I hate her still! Even when she lives in Portland and finds me on myspace and is exactly the same. But she deleted me anyway. I wanna punch her really hard in her tit.

4th of july

was so pretty! take a look inside...

another reason to hate myself

Why didnt you tell me I spelled embarrassing wrong? It is ironic though don't you think? Did I spell ironic wrong? Nobody wanted to embarrass me about spelling embarrassing with one r. Unless I delete this bullshit everyone is gonna know I'm a dumb ass everytime they read my web address. Im so embarrassed, again. How am I ever gonna get rich and famous? I'm stupid. I'm a stupid, stupid fool.

sunny d = the consistency of eggs

So I've gotta tell ya, I'm pretty interested in a few things right now. This doesnt usually happen to me, it's very rare. Did you know a new x-files movie will be out july 25? Theres an awesome new show called psychic kids on a&e and it's looks really cool. Plus I'm so into blogging. Oh good heavens theres a new lesbian reality show on logo and its about these lesbians that me and margot saw on the tila tequilla spring break special on mtv (humping and stuff), anyway its funny. They just go to the lesbian bar in Hollywood on Friday night and then they get emotional about their homo-friendships and they play volleyball.
Something I don't care about as much are the hermit crabs my students mom gave me on the last day of school. I would feel relieved if they died. I don't know why I care or why I'm so lazy to feed or care for them? Maybe its because Calvester my cat is so good looking and they're so ugly. I can't write anything thats not commentary because I'm too scared that someone will notice how I never think of anything original. UGGGH. Anyway that X files movie looks superb.

Illegal E drug exposed!

If everyone was on e every day it would be such a perfect world. We would all be so happy and horny and in love and thirsty and uhm I guess all the rape is a little weird. Well it would be sorta cool, not the rape I mean but the other stuff before the rape? Wait...forget it.

special cell phone for the elderly

At last there is a superior cell phone choice for those over the age of 70 or the disabled. I am also confident to saying that this product had one of the best commericals of the week. Take a look at the jitterbug website if you wanna be moist as a snack cake down there, it is a very sexy product... http://www.jitterbug.com/Phones.aspx

Just in case I didn't text you about the dancing invader yesterday, theres a dancing invader attacking Newport Beach. He breaks into your house and dances in your living room. Once he touched a womans buttocks. Contact the local authorities if you have any information leading to the arrest of this local dude.

Love,
Channel 7



He's not cute though ladies, i think thats the problem.

Grindhouse 6-25-08

Last night at new beverly cinema was so cool!!!! Simon the king of the witches (or something) was screened and it was so super. Theres so many homo-erotic undertones, akward and fantastic one liners, nudity, elderly nudity, psychedelic special effects, it was neat. The star of the movie was there and to my suprise he was no longer the fashion hippy that appeared in the film.
He was a really neat guy, funny and charasmatic. While being interviewed he made a ton of refrences to drugs which made me horny, for drugs.
NEWS FLASH: Margot just told me in the new New York magazine Li. Lo. shows her boobs and they are hot.
Getting back to last night, that guy was really cool and funny for a real adult. They also screened the horror classic grizzly which that guy was also in. It was sorta cool since theres a man eating bear and all, but sorta SOOO long, the director was also there.

Recently I was having a discussion with the band I.E. and singer Margot was saying. "I just don't wanna do this anymore, I just don't care" refering to her band. I said, "Was it because nobody was at your show last night? Of course it's gunna suck balls if nobody shows up." "Not at all" she explained, "I'm just sick of showing off." Then I understood. When you're so awesome, part of that awesomeness is a certain modesty that reinforces the awesomeness that the non-super awesome could never understand. Point is, you don't want to show off to everyone how awesome you are by, lets say, performing in your band or writting brilliant blogs-that actually makes you more lame. I really relate to that. Thats why I wrote a blog today. Point is I want to die.

I'm pretty into blogging now

now that i'm a real life blogger it doesnt mean I suddenly know how to spell so don't make me feel stupiderest. blogging is so hard! you have to think with your big brain then you have to slam it on your puter. i should just blog all my text up here so i don't have to think about this anymore. why am I doing this? I can't be that bored on my big, fat 15 minute break at work that I gotta blog about it can I? I don't think I should write anything personal about myself. Maybe I should tell you I'm chubby though, I wouldnt want anyone to think Im ashamed of that. I had a work lunch at olive garden today and we spent $420 FUK YEAH!