Hot summer tips!

I'm trying to drink a little less beer because it's for fat people. But I get tired of cape cods everyday even though my lesbian friend Sean never does. I had to switch it up with vodka tonic because it's a drink for a slim crowd. The only problem is that I never have ice but I do have otter pops! Otter pops look great in a clear ass drink because it turns it your drink the color of whatever pop you choose. Plus, if you're a preschool teacher or mother this beverage is perfect for young children; you could melt a red pop with a yellow pop and make an orange vodka drink and so on! Another tip is to never ever, ever, ever go to a thing called a pub crawl, SERIOUSLY! No matter how great your coworker at MAC says it is, you and your friend will both want to kill yourself for even being seen there.

Bad news guys: Eating dead animal flesh is out. It's tacky and old fashioned. I don't know about you but I'm from the future, and as a sexy mutant from the year 2420 the last thing I want is to be an outdated time traveler. Today my kitty Calvester cut his paw on a razor in the bathroom and there was bloody cat prints all over the tub. People like to eat little, helpless, baby animals "rare" so they can taste their animal blood. I know it's freaky, but I didnt feel that hungry when I was washing away the red drippings that allow my pet to be alive. Guess I'm just a hippy!

It's only two months from my birthday so I'm gonna start giving you gift ideas right away so you can start to save up:

-stuff for girls
-$$$

if i could fly...

What if you could fly but it was really hard like in the way it's really hard to run? My fren would probably be like, "do you wanna fly over to the liquor store and pick up some 40's?" and I'd be like, "naw homie, I'm pretty tired let's drive over there." When you fly it works your mid-section, arms and thighs.

a poem 2 sax lover:

your saxaphone blows so fine
don't get dat kimchi stuck in da horn
grey hair loves soft jazz music

I hate when I remember high school.

It's my mom Vicki's birthday guys, Yay!! Happy Birthday Sexy! I think my mom is sexy and I'm NOT EMBARRASSED. See how I spelled that right? Fuxx yeah. Speaking of fuxx yeah there was this cunt in high school named Gaby. She was my good friend freshman year even though she was a stupid, tacky, gothic hippy horny for Robert Smith. She was pretty gross but she drove me around, made me tatter tots, let me wear all her lacy and velvet clothes plus she helped me cement my vegetarian tendencies. I was young and I needed to get away from my step mother. Gaby wanted to be more of a gothic hippy so she started spelling her name Gabix, isnt that retarded? I hate her. She stopped being my friend because we both had black hair and nose rings (embarrassing!) and when I also wore overalls (more embarrassing) and she had overalls too, it was too much for her! She said I was stalking her and trying to be her and she cruely friend dumped me. She wrote me a long letter telling me how overalls are her identity and I robbed her. I was soooo sad. :o( To make matters worse, while we were friends she tryed to convince me I was in love with her. She told me, "Jacquie, do you think were more like girlfriends or friends? Because it's just like were in a relationship but we don't do the nasty." I said, "uhm, girlfriends?" she was very pleased and I was happy to please her. Believe it or not I used to be a passive push over and everyone but my bff's took advantage of my willingness to do whatever I thought would make them like me. It's like, if you won't screw me, why are you brain washing me to think were together even though you have a man and you dont care about me you stupid, stupid bitch? We never frenched or anything!!! Urgh... After the friend dumping, she told her boyfriend (sweet Marcus, so strange and intresting and sooo pretty plus he got me drunk all the time and threw me a wonderful suprise party for my sexteenth birthday,) that he should now also hate me because I was trying to steal his girl (I was not!), and it worked! He thought I was a slut and never talked to me again in high school! Later...thats another story. So, I HATE HER!! I hate her still! Even when she lives in Portland and finds me on myspace and is exactly the same. But she deleted me anyway. I wanna punch her really hard in her tit.

4th of july

was so pretty! take a look inside...

another reason to hate myself

Why didnt you tell me I spelled embarrassing wrong? It is ironic though don't you think? Did I spell ironic wrong? Nobody wanted to embarrass me about spelling embarrassing with one r. Unless I delete this bullshit everyone is gonna know I'm a dumb ass everytime they read my web address. Im so embarrassed, again. How am I ever gonna get rich and famous? I'm stupid. I'm a stupid, stupid fool.